Trust Issues..

"Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"

- Bronwyn Polson
I back this quote up 100%, if you haven't been through a lot of heartache, struggle, or pain with a friend; the you've never really experienced the genuine meaning of friendship. But are the challenges really worth it in the end?One issue that most individuals that partake in a friendship is trust. It was one of the topics on the advice forum. In the reading it states that dependability and emotional reliability are the key ingredients for a successful and long-lasting friendship. In all honesty, what would be the point of being friends when one cannot vent to the other or when one exposes another's biggest, darkest secret. Friendships are hard to build in our generation because everything is taken for granted. As we become older and wiser, it seems like your bike riding budding turns into a jealous enemy who would try to get as close to you as possible to tear your foundation or success down. Unfortunately, that is the harsh reality of friendship and after viewing the issues that revolve around friendships I think I will continue to keep my number to the bare minimum.

4 Deadly Tactics (Topic of Interest)

I believe this is one of the reasons why I am still single today.... A mature relationship consists of 4 things: Investment, Commitment, Trust, and Comfort with Relational Dialectics. For starters, this is a very exhausted list of things that are necessary in order to have a healthy relationship. It isn't possible to have one and not the other, for example Investment and Commitment. You can't invest all your time and energy into an individual without having some form of relation and connection with that person. I feel like a lot of couples today possess 3 traits but leave out one which is essential to them having a really smooth relationship. Personally, not only do I feel I am too young to find these four things in someone, but it takes dedication and if I have to wait a lifetime to find that someone that is willing to do all four things with me then I believe thats what it will have to be. A relationship is also a responsibility and some individuals should get more well acquainted with the idea of a relationship before engaging into one.

No Empathy Taken

Oh my gosh, I couldn't wait to tackle this topic about being and feeling disconfirmed, even with those I hold close to my heart. We're all human so of course we all have stories to tell about this defensive communication. I have so many, I don't know where to start. But I think I'm going to talk about my best friend, Julian. You may think since we best friends, especially a boy and a girl couple, that we'd have the most love-y, dove-y friendship -almost to where we're dating but without the title, guess again. Although he is my best friend, I also think he's a robot. I'd spend hours with this boy and when I tell him something, I'd expect him to react a certain way. Nope, not at all! Instead he gives me the most barefaced, vague answer, and then blows off my feelings like they never exist. He's not the sensitive, "venting to" kind of guy. And although it bothers me, I've learned to compromise. I try not to put to many feelings on him now, instead I give him a little at a time and just push the reaction that I want out little by little. He's also starting to be more empathetic when we talk now that we don't live near each other anymore. I don't give him a taste of his own medicine. I just cope with him. I just hope that over time he hits his feelings landmark.

High School

When everyone goes through high school, we all encounter that one person that we just didn't agree with. There wasn't an exact particular reason why, it was just like that. As friendly as I am, there was a girl who just couldn't agree with my personality and I couldn't agree with hers either. She never acknowledged my presence when I would walk into the class room, it was cool thought, I didn't need her too. She would talk about me while I was around, just seeing how far she could push me. I realized that although we disconfirmed each other, I couldn't stoop to her level. Although I could've fought her and gotten away with it, she wasn't worth the time and energy. I endorsed that to her, why talk about others when you are no better than anyone else. I think confirming and disconfirming was a highlight of my high school years now that I look back. Certain things should have been ignored, while some things should have been reinforced, and other things that should have been more recognized. Time will go on...

Choosing Whether and How to Express Emotions

The concept I felt was interesting to discuss was whether and how to express our emotions. Anytime I engage in some sort of conversation to where it's like a debate or even a civil argument, I always tense up to where I forget my words. After the conversation is over, I get like a spontaneous recovery of what I was going to or should have said. I always talk to myself, coaching myself through "next time"; if it happens next time those are going to be the first things I say. If I take into consideration "evaluating your current state", recollect myself, I'd probably be able to express the feelings that I should at that given time. After awhile, I sometimes realize that maybe it was meant for me to state some of the feelings that had slipped into the back of my mind. I do not always monitor and humble myself on certain things I express, so on the optimistic side pre consciously my emotions are sorting themselves out without my feelings getting in the way.

Emotional Percpectives

The idea of Emotion Work applies to my life in many way, that I have not noticed before. For one, I do not believe in grudges. Why do I say this? Wood talks about how it is wrong to "be gleeful when someone you dislike is hurt". I can agree but many of us, as humans ignore the moral factors. I do have some individuals in life that I dislike, many of them have humiliated me or has done something that has hurt my feelings but I taught myself how to manipulate the emotions of "revenge" or getting even. I can't get mad nor can I stay mad. Although I want to "dislike" that person forever, in my head -they get another chance. Another example is like a homeless person, when they ask me for money, if I have it I'll give it to them with no hesitation. A lot of people would say "They're drug addicts" or "Why pay them for being lazy", but to me if those are their habits of keeping them alive, then so be it. I do not sympathize nor do I grieve, I just hope and pray they continue to live their chosen path, as happy as can be. There are just certain emotions and instincts I cannot control and rather not change -even if it makes my neighbor happy or sad.

Epic Faliure

A fallacy that I have really recognized within my life, especially since I started college -Fear of Catastrophic Failure. I have been having terrible anxiety although it's only the only first semester of college, I'm just really fearful of the long run. Will I be able to schedule my classes without conflicting with my work schedule? Will I be able to make all my payments on time? I watch my every move, just everything because I am afraid of everything that could jeopardize my education. I am the first in my family to go to college and I don't want to disappoint them or becoming another statistic.  One way I have been coping with this fallacy though has been through meditating with myself; having "me" time. Taking it one day at a time and being in touch with God (no offense) has really allowed me to just chill out. As far as my communicating, I have became more responsible with this fear because it has allowed me to become more resourceful,  organized and guided. Each and every day I try not to think too many negative thoughts out what the future may hold, only focusing on my today. We should recognize that faliure isn't always bad, it always you to learn from your mistake(s)
 :)